Tuesday, November 3, 2009

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Warning: Being a flirt may not get you the position you seek "What? Are you telling me that I can no longer "sleep or flirt" my way to the top? I'm a business woman — sex or even the suggestion of sex sells. So why shouldn't I take advantage of this to further my career?" Ladies, obviously you can do what you want, but what I'm saying is, don't be surprised if it works against you. According to a study conducted by Tulane University professor Arthur Brief and colleagues Suzanne Chan-Serafin, Jill Bradley and Marla Watkins, women who flirted, dressed provocatively and massaged a man's shoulders at work got fewer raises and promotions. In the study 164 MBA graduates were asked to respond to the following ten statements: * I wear a skirt or something more revealing than usual around clients or supervisors to get attention * I flirt with people at work * I draw attention to my legs by crossing them provocatively when in meetings or sitting with a group of men at work * I hint or imply that I am attracted to a man (men) at work even if I am not * I purposely let men sneak a look down my shirt when I lean over a table * I've massaged a man's shoulders or back while at work * I've sent flirty or risqué e-mails to male co-workers * I tell male co-workers or clients they look sexy or "hot" * I allow men to linger at certain places of my body while hugging them * I emphasize my sexuality while at work by the way I dress, speak and act Forty-nine percent of the women who participated in the survey admitted that they had tried to advance their career by deploying at least one of the above tactics — yes, including leaning over a table so that men could "sneak a peek". Did it work? Apparently not. According to the survey the women who claimed that they had never engaged in such activity "earned an average of three promotions, vs. two for the group that had employed sexuality." The survey also revealed that the women who said they never used sexuality in an attempt to advance their career earned on average between $75,000 and $100,000; compared to the other women who on average earned between $50,000 and $75,000. It is also interesting to note that the 49 percent of women who admitted to using their sexuality in hopes of advancing their careers claimed it wasn't something that they did often. So what is a professional woman to do? We can't dress like a man and we definitely don't want to look like a missionary either. Today's fashion designers make it almost impossible for us not to be in the "breastaurant" business, emphasize our femininity or show too much leg. So where do we draw the line so that we can be "easy on the eyes" and still maintain our credibility? In my opinion the first step is to ensure that you can honestly answer 'no' to the 10 questions that were asked in the Tulane survey. Then enforce your credibility by developing a personal wardrobe mission statement. This is something that I do all the time and here is how it works. Take some time to sit down and document your goals. Ask yourself questions like: * Where do I see myself in the organization? * How do I want to be perceived by my colleagues? * When people talk about me what adjectives do I want them to use to describe me? * Is my reputation and credibility important to me? Then find three words to describe how you want people to perceive you. Remember hot, sexy and so fine cannot be among the words. My three words are polished, professional and competent. Every time I get dressed for work I look in the mirror and ask myself, "Stacia do you look polished, professional and competent?" Now this may not work for everyone, because as you know some people are in denial and refuse to stop lying to themselves. So test the appropriateness of the outfit with another question. Say to yourself, "Looking through the eyes of my boss, and especially my female colleagues, what does this outfit say about me?" Are you satisfied being labeled in this manner? Have you considered the affects this labeling is having on your career? If the answer is no, do yourself a favor and change the outfit and please, please, please do not leave the house until you get it right. Remember, once you leave home you cannot hit erase or rewind, you are stuck with your selection all day. Finally, do you wear clothes that are one size too small or too tight? Define too small or too tight. OK. Taking my cue from recording artist Chingy here are some clues: "Did you have to jump up and down just to get it on, did you have to wiggle all around just to get it on, did you have to lay back on the bed just to zip it up?" Now I'd like to add: * Did you have to "hold your breath" while attempting to zip it up? * Did you require the assistance of another individual to get it on? * Can two of your fingers fit comfortably inside your pants/skirt at the waist, without you having to "hold your breath"? * Can you comfortably raise both hands above your head? * Are you "busting out at the chest" (meaning even though your blouse is buttoned, the fabric is pulling so others can see your bra?) * Finally, when wearing the particular garment do you experience difficulty in walking up a flight of stairs or sitting comfortably in a chair? * Can you perform a squat without the garment tearing? If you've answered yes to any one of these then it's too tight or too small, so don't wear it to work. Remember you may cause a man's eyes to light up, and his heart (and other parts) to skip a beat/jump but sadly, research has demonstrated his brain won't take you seriously. * Stacia Williams offers keynotes, workshops and personal coaching on a wide range of: personal branding, image management, customer service, leadership, business etiquette and international protocol topics. You can contact her at 325-5992 or e-mail stacia@totalimagemanagement.com or visit staciawilliamsblog.com Tuesday, October 27, 2009